It’s the Little Things: How to Keep Your Marriage Strong and Stay Out of the Divorce Courts

As family solicitors, we have seen marriages collapse over spectacular betrayals, but far more often, we see them erode quietly, through dozens of unnoticed moments where partners stop seeing each other as allies. As one relationship expert put it, “It’s the little things that can chip away at your life daily.”

Here are some of the less obvious ways to protect a marriage, insights drawn from what we have seen in both the happiest and the most fractured relationships.

1. Guard the “Micro-Moments” of Connection

Relationships live or die in the three-second glances, the absentminded touches, the “good luck” texts before a big meeting. These are the micro-moments that say “I’m still here with you.” Let them lapse, and the sense of partnership thins out.

2. Speak in Your Partner’s Emotional Dialect

Not everyone hears “I love you” in words. For some, it is a cup of tea brought unasked, a problem quietly solved, or a joke told at the right moment. Learn how your partner actually registers care and speak in that dialect often.

3. Keep Your Arguments Small Enough to Finish in One Sitting

Long-running disputes are like mould: they grow in the dark. If you cannot resolve an argument within a day, you risk carrying it like baggage into the next week. Better to settle it, even imperfectly, than to let it seep into everything else.

4. Preserve a Private World Only You Share

Couples who last often have a shared language, in-jokes, small rituals, and private references. These form a boundary around your relationship that no outsider can breach. Lose them, and you lose the sense of being co-authors of a unique story.

5. Protect Each Other’s Reputation in Public

What you say about your partner when they are not present matters deeply. If they know you will never mock, belittle, or expose them to others, you create a climate of deep trust.

6. Share Your Solitude

Paradoxically, the ability to be alone together is one of the most intimate skills in marriage. Reading separate books in the same room, or taking a quiet walk without feeling pressure to fill the silence, can strengthen the sense of ease and belonging.

7. Call in a Skilled Referee Before the Damage is Done

Organisations like Relate offer a neutral space for couples to hear each other differently. Counselling is not just for crisis; it can be a regular maintenance check for the health of your marriage, catching issues before they calcify.

The Bottom Line

No solicitor can replicate the quiet stability, shared shorthand, and layered history of a long, healthy marriage. If you nurture the subtle things the way you speak, the way you disagree, the way you show up in ordinary moments you can keep the bond strong enough to weather the inevitable storms.